whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
