I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
