just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
