tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
