could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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