Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Randomize
