you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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