just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
