You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize