I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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