I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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