Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
