Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
