a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
