So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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