Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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