i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
