I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
