Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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