i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
