please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
