I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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