even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
