Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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