The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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