Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
