Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
