i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
