do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
