man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
