Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
