am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
