You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
