the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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