Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.