So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.