so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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