it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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