Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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