I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
