Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
