My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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