God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
