Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
