After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
