I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
