I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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