I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
