im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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