Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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