is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
