I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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