I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We have so much sex to catch up on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
