i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
