So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
