Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
