Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
