saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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