the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
