We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
