Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
