Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
