somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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