Cold hands, warm shart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
