Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
