I'm jealous of your bromance
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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