I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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