Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
