For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
