I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
only you would photoshop your dick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car