i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito