I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE