I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life