Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
