i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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