Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
