btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
