I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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